Back in 2012 I’d written the perfect end to my Earthquake Recovery Memoir. I’d finished counselling, was feeling pretty good, and thought I was “better”.
I was kidding myself.
I’m still in the middle of this story. The end is not even in sight yet. Each time I think I’m making good progress, the roller-coaster swoops down into it’s next downward plunge.
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So I find myself experiencing tension and stress. That’s okay, I can fix this. I can use those strategies I learned back in 2012: relaxation techniques, meditative prayer.
Except in 2014 they don’t seem to be working so well.
I need to try harder. I need to pray more/harder/deeper/differently. I need to…
You don’t need to do anything to earn God’s love.Yeah, yeah. I know that. Free gift of grace and all that. “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)
You’re not living like you know it.
Huh? Hmmm… “Try harder, pray harder, do more.”
But I don’t need to.
I don’t need to do any of these things to earn God’s love.
Is that what I’ve been trying to do?
“Getting better” is not about me doing stuff to make myself better. “Trying harder” doesn’t work.
So what does work?
‘Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.’ (Matthew 11:28-30)
Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:28-31)
Rest. Trust.
I guess it’s worth a try.
Great post. I can't imagine what it's like to have made it through the earthquakes. And the aftermath of insurance hassles, even these years later, infuriates me--and I wasn't even close by. I pray for your city and ask for His grace for you all. He will get you through, no matter what it is that happens.
ReplyDeleteI was really moved by the series Hope and Wire, as I wasn't in NZ when the earthquakes happened. Although I know that it was a dramatisation it did open my eyes to just how brutal the earthquakes were. So sorry to hear you're still feeling the stress and tension from those times. Praying for Christchurch anew. Kia kaha Vx
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